I have been diving in and out of such a profound book this year that I can only read a few paragraphs at a time! This book is The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller – where he describes rituals of renewal and the sacred work of grief – both personal and collective grief – the type of grief many of us are trying so hard not to feel about the state of the world with the climate crisis and the war crimes being committed.
Having just been in a Deep Ecology Immersion, with John Seed, where we go through the spiral of the Work That Reconnects: Gratitude, Honouring the Pain of the World, Seeing with New Eyes and Going Forth in deep ritual and community….it seems to me that how we do the sacred work of grief both personally and collectively is more important than ever before!
I wanted to share here Francis Weller’s wisdom on the need for daily practice, for our wellbeing, for our sacred work of grief and for our cultivation of self-compassion. In my vocation as a Counsellor, if a client has engaged in some form of daily practice then s/he is ALWAYS experiencing much more healing and transformation than someone who doesn’t and below I share how Francis Weller explores the reasons why. I know for me sometimes I take my daily practices for granted but then when the next emotional storm hits it can be astounding as to how much more centred and in Wise Self I feel because of the depth of my daily practices.
Any of us who has ever picked up a musical instrument, a paint brush, pen, tennis racket or knitting needles knows that in order to become even remotely proficient with the instrument, we have to put in hour and hours of practice. The same is true for our inner life. Cultivating an internal world with some equanimity requires practices that help steady the maelstrom of thought and emotion that often keeps us agitated and preoccupied.’
Francis Weller
Everyone of us has encountered times when we felt as though we were in the middle of an immense storm… In these times we can easily be tossed about, rolling in the waves that crash on the shore. Practice helps to root us, to anchor our internal presence onto something solid.’
Francis Weller
Weller proceeds to describe how seaweed ‘sways with the currents but is held in place by the powerful grip of a holdfast,’ a ball of roots gluing the plant to rock to hold against all except the worst of storms.
Practice is a form of holdfast, offering a footing in the depths, steadying us in difficult times, we cannot control the ferocity of the storm, but we can cultivate the grip of our holdfast through our steadying practices.’
Francis Weller
Other reasons for practicing daily described by Francis Weller are:
- Practice creates a strong container/vessel for the alchemy of healing to be carried out.
- Practice deepens our connection to the Great Mystery, practicing with deep intention builds consistency which in turn builds soul muscle.
- Practice and soulful repetition open the door to something surprising, revelatory, when we show up with regularity.
- Practice invites in all the vulnerable parts of ourselves to speak, and we recognize them as essential elements of our well-being.
- A steady practice stops the fire within from burning out and it feeds the internal fire
- Practice offers us many chances to recall our core essence, a continuous act of remembering who we truly are
Self-Compassion is a fierce and challenging practice. Everyday we are asked to sit with pieces of our interior world that lie outside of what we find acceptable and welcome… Self Compassion is not an event but an ongoing daily practice, it is the root practice for our inner life and also for our relational life. … Our ability to receive love is proportional to our capacity to welcome all of who we are. Self Compassion is a skill that needs to be exercised regularly in order for us to remain open to life. It IS the gift of a generous heart.’
Frances Weller
Bringing compassion to our suffering is an act of generosity. It helps us remember that we too, are part of this breathing, pulsing world. We are reminded that by the mere fact of our being here, we qualify for the soothing waters of compassion. We can then come out of our sheltered world of self-scrutiny and make our way back into the fuller embrace of our belonging.’
Francis Weller
Self-compassion is the internalized village. Pause for a moment and think about how we tend to respond to a friend who is suffering. Usually we feel an immediate caring and (em)pathy in our heart toward his or her pain.’
Francis Weller
The foundations of Self-Compassion arise from the fertile ground of belonging. Belonging confers a feeling of worth and value, which in turn, filters into our whole being as a blessing. This gently translates into a relationship with oneself that is respectful and caring.’
Francis Weller
It is very easy to believe that we don’t need our daily practices anymore because we feel better or because we are bored with them, yet I am struck over and over with my own daily practices, that even though I under-estimate what they are doing for me, there comes along times when I cannot believe how well they hold me in an emotional storm, or suddenly after many days of not noticing anything new, there will be new insights, new awareness that only come from regular, consistent practices.
And I LOVE that the word practice means that you don’t need to do it perfectly, you don’t need to be in the right mood, you don’t need to reach a certain outcome….you are just practicing….curious, compassionate, building connection to all your parts and to your Self, courageously practicing even when part of you says there’s no point! This is the power of practice!
Only a few years ago did I realise just how many daily practices I often put into my day, they now come naturally after many years of practice: journalling, meditation, mindful breathing, stretching, mindful seeing, mindful hearing, focusing on my feet or toes, singing, music, connection with nature, gratitude, self-compassion exercises, poetry, art journalling, hand on heart practice, loving kindness prayer, forgiveness prayer….
How many practices do you do? What works for you? What’s something new you can incorporate in your day? Lots of practices can help you to be present in what you are already doing…..rather than being an extra thing you need to fit into your day. I’d much rather lie in bed and do one of these practices than churn into anxious thinking or planning. My mindfulness teacher, Nique Murch used to say it’s not so much about what you are doing, it’s about how you are doing it….
Two very simple powerful practices that I always fall back on:
Loving Kindness Prayer
Instead of sending the people I love worry I send them this prayer, trying to get a felt sense in my body as I visualize them receiving this….and then the difficult part of this practice is to include myself in it.
- May we be safe
- May we be peaceful
- May we be healthy and well
- May we feel loving and loved
Hoʻoponopono Forgiveness Prayer
Again only appropriate if you are ready to forgive a loved one, to visualize them and see if you can get a felt sense of this Hawaiian Prayer as you imagine sending it….
- Thank you
- I’m sorry
- I forgive you
- I Love you
So as the end of the year approaches, may you find many daily practices that support you to be present, to feel connected and compassionate to yourself, to others and to our Earth, may you be curious, creative and courageous in how you approach each day,
Sara 😊
