Non-linear, spiral healing journey
My understanding of the healing journey that we are on as humans, in this dysfunctional, complex world, is that it is non-linear, often represented by a spiral or by the metaphor of peeling back a garlic clove and discovering there are more garlic cloves!
I think that’s one reason why I like Internal Family Systems (IFS Therapy) so much as it explains the healing journey in a way that weaves together my personal healing experience, my spiritual beliefs and what I experience when I am working with clients.
Self in IFS
In IFS, as with many spiritual traditions and philosophies around the world, the belief is that we all have within us a boundless, limitless Self (or some people refer to it as Soul, Spirit or Essence). And we all have moments of experiencing being in Self whether that’s being in awe in nature or with music or art or being joyful and playful with a puppy or a young child or experiencing community effervessence with a cold swim or a concert/festival/sport. We all have boundless and limitless ways of being present, curious and feeling deeply connected to our own bodies, others or the world around us.
Parts in IFS
Yet all of us, at least those of us growing up in the unhealthy industrial-growth society, have experienced either big T Trauma or little T trauma where our physical and/or emotional needs weren’t met as children and as teens, where we weren’t seen or heard or loved in the way that our DNA expected. Because of this trauma we have parts that are protecting us or parts that are carrying wounds and burdens from our past. This idea of parts has been represented by ancient philosophies and spiritual traditions across the world and is represented in our day to day language (e.g. a part of me wants to exercise and a part of me wants to stay home).
Wholeness / Integration
So in all IFS Therapy sessions we are working with parts and we are supporting the awareness of what is it to be in Self, what our nervous system needs to be more in Self, more healthy and whole. This can mean we are working with parts in the past, or parts that are activated with a situation in the present or parts that are concerned about the future – AND we are looking at how to support ourselves to access more Self-Energy and honour our unique nervous systems.
This is an intuitive process, often the client is in the driver seat and the IFS therapist is listening deeply in the session to the parts that are ready to be understood, seen, heard and witnessed and to when Self is really present, when there are noticable shifts in the client’s nervous system.
The therapist and client may have goals for what they are hoping to achieve in that session or a series of sessions yet therapy needs to go at the pace of each person’s protective parts and nervous system and often it is surprising what can pop up in a session and the links that can be made between parts.
Often the overall goal of this form of healing is integration and a sense of wholeness…..that each of us become aware of our parts and we have a deepening sense of Self in which to hold our parts and to calm our parts down if they feel activated.
Profound Emotions & Profound Shifts
Sometimes as we uncover parts we cam feel waves of grief and difficult emotions that have long been buried, but only when all the parts feel safe enough to feel this and we proritise safety when processing trauma. The beauty of IFS is the part that remembers the trauma can be retrieved into the present and feel safe.
Sometimes an IFS session can leave someone feeling a profound internal shift even if nothing changes in their external world. Sometimes the person has clarity to make big and lasting external changes – and often its a mix of the two. Sometimes it’s very surprising how an IFS session healing one part can ripple out into other areas of your life! Sometimes this process is subconscious sometimes its more conscious.
For me personally as a client I will often attend an IFS Therapy session thinking I will address one issue and we end up working with a part or group of parts that are connected with more than one issue in my life (present and past and future) – or sometimes I may need several (or many) IFS therapy sessions for all the parts to become clear if I am dealing with a big issue in my life.
The building of trust, hope and rapport in IFS, with compassion and curiousity, means that each session is fluid and flexible and all of the parts of your system learn that they too will get a turn to be seen and heard in their own time. Many IFS practitioners, including me, think that this can become more of a life-long practice, or even a philosophy of how to approach life.
Seeing an IFS therapist weekly or fortnightly means that you are more likely to see/feel more changes within your system. Using daily practices to tune into your parts and Self will mean you also experience more changes in your system. And this doesn’t mean you need to commit to regular IFS therapy for the rest of your life – you can dip in and out as you need and you can continue to develop your own daily practices for working with your parts.
Personal IFS Healing Story
I remember in an IFS group supervision session where I was struggling with parts within me that wanted to ‘rescue’ someone…. This part is really familiar to me, and I have worked with this part many times! In this session my image of this part was that she was running a never-ending marathon and she was exhausted. As I saw and witnessed and heard this part and acknowledged her hard work she spontaneously crossed the finish line, grabbed a towel, sat down, brushed her hands together and said ‘that’s it, I’m done, no more rescuing!’
I think this could only happen so spontaneously because of all the parts work that I had done – and the ripple-out effects since that moment have been huge! I have sensed a change in ALL my relationships, I don’t go into a panicked rescuer role like I have done in the past! I can still be there caring and supporting but that feels very different in my nervous system to rescuing.
Reflection
I’m curious what have you noticed in your own healing journey as you get to know your parts? What have been the ripple out effects?
And sometimes it is very hard to articulate the shifts because they happen more at a subconscious / BODY / nervous system level…..so then it becomes about noticing shifts within your body? What feels different?
Sometimes we need our IFS therapist to reflect back the changes they see. As an IFS-Informed therapist I am really aware of shifts in a client’s face expression, their way of speaking or the way they hold their bodies and I will share that with them. And sometimes we need to tune into what we sense that is different in our lives and whether we sense a shift towards Self.
Complex World
I want to also recognise we are complex human beings living in a complex world so just as we feel we are making progress, Life can also throw us a curve ball. Is it possible that we will always be dealing with something challenging in life? Since I began IFS-Informed Therapy as a client in 2020 (or was it 2021!?) I have made job changes, moved interstate, gone through life transitions (empty nest, menopause), navigated shifting family relationships and friendships, etc…
Lastly I want to acknowledge that the healing journey can be deeply frustrating for our parts who want a goal-directed linear journey with objective and measurable changes!
Depth Psychology Healing Journey
There are many Depth Psychology / Eco Soul Therapy resources written about how the journey to Self / Soul can feel like we enter the dark void / canyon / cocoon as we let go of old ways of doing things (let go of roles that parts played or some say let go of ego) and rest/surrender/collapse in the unknown before we find our new way of being in the world – before we embody more of Self / Soul, before we enter the journey of becoming. Many of these metaphors are based on nature, including Katherine May’s book Wintering.
Three key resources for looking at this depth psychology approach are below if you would like to dive further! And these are always great things to explore within therapy.
The Hero’s Journey by Joseph Campbell, describes the key steps found in any good story / myth (including Star Wars) where the hero or heroine goes through trials and tribulations to grow and become wiser (Dr Em on the Imperfects podcast discusses this in Using the Force for Good).
Journey to Soul Initiation by Bill Plotkin – (Also Soulcraft and Nature and the Human Soul – all reasources I am passionate about!)
Holding Space by Heather Plett – a beautiful description of what it is to be in Liminal Space and to support others to be in liminal space.
